Happiness starts with you

“Happiness starts with you. Not with your relationships, not with your job, not with your money, but with you.”

Growing up, I was the prettiest kid in my class and I could remember my parents securing numerous modeling gigs for me.

I never lacked anything financially; I was the envy of my peers as they all wanted to be in my shoes, without knowing my plight or whatever I was going through.

No matter the luxury my family lavished on me, I was never happy and it was sickening when they couldn’t see through the mask I put on to remain the perfect always smiling child they always wanted.

My mom was hardly at home, my dad was always on business trips; I didn’t know what having a lovely family felt like. I was always left at the mercy of my manager and the nanny.

No matter what I did, I never felt happy; that void was still there and there was no way I could salvage the situation. I got into college and got a boyfriend, I saw people in relationships and they looked happy. Two weeks into my relationship and it turned out it wasn’t what I expected; I didn’t know if it was my fault or the other party.

I got a part-time job outside school; maybe I would be so busy and forget how lonely my life is. It never helped, no matter how I occupy myself with things; loneliness, unhappiness, always finds a way to creep in. I stopped struggling to find happiness, I started trying to enjoy my own company, I started searching for happiness within myself.

I believed that no relationship or job will give me happiness, not even luxury, but only myself can give me happiness.

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