A lonely 70-year-old widow decided that she wanted to get married again.
She placed an advertisement in the local newspaper:
“Husband wanted! He must be around my age, must not hurt me, must be faithful, and must still be good in bed. Applicants must come personally.”
The next day, someone rang her doorbell.
When she opened the door, she was surprised to see an old man in a wheelchair. He had no arms and no legs.
The woman looked at him and said, “You really want me to consider you? You don’t even have legs!”
The old man smiled and replied, “That’s exactly why I can’t run around with another woman!”
The woman then said, “And you don’t have any arms either!”
The man smiled again and said, “That means I can never hurt or hit you.”
The woman raised her eyebrows and asked, “But are you still good in bed?”
The old man gave her a big smile and said:
“Well, I rang your doorbell, didn’t I?”
A 70-Year-Old Woman Stayed at an Expensive Hotel
A 70-year-old woman decided to stay at a very expensive hotel for her birthday.
The next morning, she was shocked when the hotel clerk gave her a bill for $250.
She complained, saying, “The hotel is nice, but the room is not worth $250 for one night. I didn’t even eat breakfast!”
The clerk explained that $250 was the hotel’s regular price.
The woman then asked to speak with the manager.
The manager came over and explained, “Our hotel has an Olympic-size swimming pool and a large conference center. Guests can use them for free.”
The woman replied, “But I didn’t use them!”
The manager said, “Yes, but they were available, and you could have used them.”
He also explained that the hotel had expensive shows with famous entertainers.
The woman said, “But I didn’t watch any shows.”
The manager replied, “That’s true, but the shows were available, and you could have watched them.”
The woman continued to complain about every facility the manager mentioned because she had not used any of them.
After several minutes of arguing, she finally decided to pay.
She handed the manager a check for $50.
The manager was surprised and said, “Ma’am, your bill is $250. This check is only for $50.”
The woman smiled and said, “That’s correct. I charged you $200 for sleeping with me.”
The manager shouted, “But I didn’t sleep with you!”
The woman calmly replied:
“Well, too bad. I was here, and you could have!”
The manager had nothing more to say.
The lesson of the joke: Never underestimate senior citizens. They have a lifetime of experience and know how to give a clever answer!