Whenever I visit my mom, her dog always has a spot on the couch and acts like he owns it. Some people might not mind, but it really bothers me. For years, I’ve felt this way. Having OCD and a young daughter, it’s not just uncomfortable for me to sit where the dog has been; it’s unbearable. But my mom doesn’t seem to be bothered by it at all.
Boundaries: The Ongoing Struggle
Once again, there was my mom on the couch with her dog, Charlie, curled up beside her. I had just walked in and immediately felt a strong, familiar wave of frustration. This wasn’t just any couch; it was the main seat in her living room, where friends and family sat. She saw Charlie as part of the family, happily cuddling with him as if it was the best thing ever.
I reminded her, maybe for the thousandth time, that I couldn’t sit where he had been. She just laughed and looked up, saying, “That OCD will be the end of my daughter.” She insisted that being around dog germs would only make my daughter and me stronger. “Come on over, dear!”
I was really angry. To her, my OCD was just a strange quirk, something to laugh at, but to me, it mattered a lot. I couldn’t shake the constant, uncomfortable feeling of being dirty and covered in germs after sitting on that couch. Was I the only one who thought dogs and other animals belonged outside?
Taking a Stand: A Frustrated Ultimatum
I told her one last time, “Mom, I’m sorry to keep repeating this, but it’s not about how you feel; it’s about how I feel.” I said, “The dog needs to be off the couch when I’m here, or I’m leaving.”
Her expression shifted. I hoped she’d look at me with understanding, but instead… She took a deep breath and looked at me firmly. “Mary, Charlie is my best friend,” she said. “He’s family. I’m not going to keep him away just because you’re here… You need to accept him, or…”
I stood there, silent, as her voice trailed off. I felt a barrier growing between us, stronger than ever. It was clear Charlie mattered more to her than my comfort or sense of safety in her home. In that moment, I decided to teach her a lesson.
Taking Matters into My Own Hands
I came up with a simple but effective plan. While she was talking, I told her I needed to grab something from the car. She gave me a curious look but didn’t think much of it. I had made up my mind: if she thought of Charlie as family, I’d show her what it was like to set boundaries with “family.”
I left for a moment to calm down, then came back inside. Sure enough, Charlie was still on the couch, looking at me with innocent eyes. I walked up, picked him up, took him outside, and locked the door behind me. When I turned back, I saw my mom jump up and rush to the door, shocked. “Brianna, is this really what you want to do?” she asked.
“Giving you a choice, Mom,” I said, more firmly than ever. “If Charlie stays in the house, I’m leaving. If he’s out here, I’ll stay. I can’t keep coming over and feeling unwelcome or disrespected.”
A Decision That Changed Everything
My mom looked back and forth between me and Charlie, her face showing both hurt and anger. She hadn’t expected me to push things this far. She stood there, thinking in silence for a while, and I could see her determination start to fade. It was clear she loved Charlie deeply, maybe even more than she realized. Finally, looking sad, she slowly shook her head.
“Oh Brianna, I love you…” she said, her voice trembling. “I can’t change who I am, and Charlie is a part of me.”
In that moment, I realized we were at a standstill. I’d always hoped she’d understand and make the small change I needed to feel truly at home with her. But we both felt misunderstood and unwilling to compromise. I turned away, feeling the weight of my decision.
As I walked to my car, the reality of my choice set in. I kept wondering: Was I being unreasonable? Maybe it was just about setting my own boundaries. In that long, quiet moment, I knew things would never be the same between us.