Wife: Honey, can you help me clean the garden?
Husband: Do I look like a gardener?
Wife: Oh, sorry, honey. Can you fix the bathroom door then?
Husband: Do I look like a carpenter?
After he leaves and comes back, he sees the garden cleaned and the door fixed.
Husband: I knew my wife would do it herself!
Wife: No, it wasn’t me.
Husband: Then who did it?
Wife: Our neighbor.
Husband: How much did you pay him?
Wife: I didn’t pay; he just offered me two choices: bread or sex.
Husband: I hope you chose bread.
Wife: Do I look like a bakery?