The Wife and Her Lover
A wife was with her lover when she suddenly heard her husband’s key opening the door.
“Don’t move,” she told her lover. “My husband is very drunk. He won’t even notice that you’re here.”
The husband came into the bedroom and went straight to bed without noticing anything.
A few minutes later, he looked toward the end of the bed and saw six feet sticking out.
He turned to his wife and said, “Hey! There are six feet in this bed. There should only be four! What’s going on?”
His wife calmly answered, “You’re just too drunk to count properly. Get out of bed and count again. You’ll see more clearly from over there.”
So the husband got out of bed and started counting.
“One, two, three, four. Oh, you’re right!”
The Drunk Fisherman
A drunk fisherman went out to fish on a frozen lake. He made a hole in the ice and looked inside.
Suddenly, he heard a loud voice from above saying, “There are no fish down there!”
He moved a few meters away and made another hole.
Again, the voice said, “There are no fish down there!”
He moved farther away and made a third hole.
Once again, the voice said, “There are no fish down there!”
The fisherman looked up and asked, “God, is that you?”
The voice answered, “No, you idiot! This is the manager of the ice skating rink!”
The Drunk Driver
A police officer stopped a man who was driving from one lane to another.
The officer approached his car and said, “Sir, please blow into this breathalyzer. I need to check if you’ve been drinking.”
The man replied, “Sorry, officer. I have asthma. If I blow into that, I might have a serious asthma attack.”
The officer sighed and said, “Alright. Then come with me to the station so we can take a blood sample.”
The man answered, “I can’t do that either. I have a blood disorder. I might bleed too much.”
“Fine. Then we’ll take a urine sample.”
The man said, “I’m sorry, officer. I also have diabetes. That might cause my blood sugar to drop too low.”
The officer finally said, “Alright. Just get out of the car and walk along this straight white line.”
The man replied, “I can’t do that, officer.”
The officer asked, “Why not?”
The man honestly answered, “Because I’m too drunk!” 😂